NASHVILLE – They were lurking in the background all week, the invisible keyboard warriors who were boldly champing at the bit to give their “hot takes.”
Even though they couldn’t believe once-upon-a-time SEC doormat and 17th-ranked Vanderbilt was favored to beat No. 10 LSU here on Saturday afternoon, they were ready to fire everyone if the Tigers lost to the once-upon-time Comical-dores.
And LSU did, 31-24.
Kudos to Vandy’s fans for not tearing down the goalposts and marching 2½ miles through the heart of downtown Nashville so they could heave them in the Cumberland River as they did after last year’s upset of then-No. 1 Alabama.
The Vandy fan base has already learned you don’t remove goalposts unless you beat a good team.
The final horn had barely sounded in FirstBank Stadium when poisonous purple pus began oozing through every form of social media.
Fire e’erbody. Bench the rest.
Now.
Before LSU even gets on its charter jet heading back to Baton Rouge.
Please find an extra $53.4 million gift bag for Brian Kelly and immediately fire LSU’s fourth-year head coach because the fanbase believes he gets outcoached every time he loses and because. . .uh. . .that Yankee ain’t one of us and he doesn’t realize Baton Rouge’s whole existence and way of life relies on Tigers’ football wins and losses.
Send athletic director Scott Woodward packing because he hired Kelly from Notre Dame and gave him a 10-year, $95 million deal. Never mind that Woodward also hired two head coaches (baseball’s Jay Johnson, women’s basketball’s Kim Mulkey) and promoted another to head coach (gymnastics’ Jay Clark) who have combined for four national titles.
Terminate or demote co-offensive coordinator and playcaller Joe Sloan, of whom nobody ever says during a game, “That was a GREAT playcall.” He should be nowhere near a press box coaching booth headset when LSU’s offense enters the red zone.
Lop offensive line coach Brad Davis’ salary off the payroll because his offensive lines haven’t run blocked anyone in the last two seasons and continually commit the stupidest, most ill-timed penalties.
Yank quarterback Garrett Nussmeier’s starting spot and NIL endorsements because he was seen physically and emotionally spent and crying after the Vanderbilt loss, in which he got steamrolled almost every time he attempted a pass.
Bench running back Caden Durham, gamely playing on an injured ankle, ran 51 yards and was tackled from behind the Vandy 2 on what could have been a TD to cut the Commodores’ lead to 31-28 early in the fourth quarter. LSU’s usual disastrous red zone offense led to the Tigers being forced to kick a field goal.
Flog LSU defensive coordinator Blake Baker for not getting his defense to follow a game plan to stop Diego Pavia. Vandy’s nifty dual-threat QB accounted for 246 yards (160 passing, 86 rushing) and three TDs.
LSU fans are up in arms. They say, “This should never happen to a program of our stature.”
Well, Boudreaux on the Bayou, let’s define stature.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, stature means “a quality status gained by growth, development, or achievement.”
Stature isn’t LSU winning four national championships in the last 67 years, including the last three since 2003.
Stature is annually contending for and frequently winning national championships.
Alabama, Georgia, Ohio State and Oregon are on that current short list.
Those programs have had a few things in common, such as coaching continuity with head coaches following a flexible plan of understanding how to maintain and build on success, along with having a core of loyal, patient boosters with deep pocketbooks.
There are other schools on the verge of obtaining championship stature. But they don’t quite get there because they have impatient boosters who expect a return on investment within two or three seasons.
College football has changed so much in the last five years that the only NCAA rule is having no rules.
Once the NCAA started getting taken to a merry-go-round of litigation, it decided it was okay to buy players with unregulated amounts of money through the phony guise of name, likeness and image.
Then, they abolished the transfer rule so that players could pimp themselves every year to a new school. Then, at the start of the current school year, the NCAA approved revenue sharing, saying schools should budget to start paying all athletes (a $20.5 million cap for the 2025-26 academic year).
So, what does this have to do with LSU and Brian Kelly?
Kelly was the first Tigers’ head football coach facing the NIL explosion. LSU, like many others, was poorly prepared for how to handle this brave new world of legalized cheating with no boundaries.
In the beginning, programs that already had huge amounts of athletic donations, such as Oregon, Ohio State, Texas and Texas A&M had an edge in recruiting.
Then, those schools that organized NIL quickly such as Ole Miss, Alabama and Miami also joined the highest bidders club.
Six of the 10 teams mentioned in the above two paragraphs are ranked in the latest Associated Press top 10 poll.
LSU is nowhere in sight in the top 10. Why?
Because it wasn’t until the end of the 2024 season that the school stepped up its NIL game, which was woefully behind. And in January 2024, Kelly reorganized his scouting and recruiting department like an NFL front office.
While Kelly proclaimed in August that this was “my most talented team yet,” it’s still not complete because the school is just now finding its footing in NIL and its scouting setup.
Kelly’s biggest flaw as a coach is perhaps his reluctance during a season to shake up any part of his coaching staff when it continues to fail.
Like wasting then-LSU QB Jayden Daniels’ 2023 Heisman Trophy-winning season by not making any defensive staff changes after the year concluded.
It was during that same time Kelly promoted Sloan from quarterbacks coach to offensive coordinator when Mike Denbrock returned to Notre Dame, where he had previously coached with Kelly.
Because Kelly concentrated so much on firing and hiring a defensive staff, Sloan’s becoming the OC was a hire of convenience. His only qualification seemingly was his good relationship with the then-new starting QB Nussmeier.
Combine that fact LSU’s offense hasn’t cracked the 30-point barrier in eight of its last nine SEC games which the Tigers are 4-5, it’s obvious Sloan’s playcalling duties need to be put immediately on ice.
LSU doesn’t have the money to fire Kelly, and it would be a drastic mistake at this point. But it’s clear Kelly has to get rid of Sloan, Davis and maybe receivers coach Cortez Hankton, whose receivers drop far too many balls.
Woodward is busting his butt, exploring every possible revenue stream so it can compete on a fairly level recruiting playing field. He’s one of the best LSU athletic directors in history during the most turbulent times in college sports.
As for the rest of LSU’s season, starting with No. 3 Texas A&M this Saturday, followed by an open date and the expected Tuscaloosa beatdown by No. 4 Alabama, try to revel in the small victories.
Those can either be defined by minuscule win and loss margins or just enjoying the pageantry and spectacle of cash-and-carry college football.
Can’t wait to see the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band in Tiger Stadium next Saturday.
Hullabaloo, Caneck Caneck e’erbody.
Contact Ron at ronhigginsmedia@gmail.com