Mid-October and things are getting for reals this football season as leaves change and so do teams’ fortunes.
The calendar suggests we are inching up on mid-season — unless you are a Dallas or New Orleans fan; then records and scores suggest the season might just be over.
Oh, the twists and the turns.
And so it’s been in this most popular and crazy game since the first farmboy came across a pig’s bladder and in a moment of genius said, “Now wait just a dog-gone minute!” stamped “WILSON” on it and invented the football. Thus, the term “pigskin,” which bats leadoff in today’s Art of Sports Talkin’, Football Edition.
Back when March Madness began, we reviewed basketball, also known informally as roundball or b-ball or the rock, as sports has a language all its own, and each individual sport has an even more specialized lingo. A field goal is different in football than in basketball. “Pin” is one thing in bowling and another in wrestling, and foul trouble is when a basketball player or team is in danger of reaching the limit of fouls allowed without disqualification or penalty. Foul trouble is also what you are in when you sit next to a fan who smells like an old sneaker, and fowl trouble is when the concession stand runs out of chicken tenders.
And so it goes.
Now we walk “foobaw,” as an offensive lineman in a bad mood might grunt.
We start with a biggie, born in 1975 in the NFL playoffs in Minnesota when beloved Dallas quarterback Roger Staubach retreated into the pocket in a desperate situation trailing the Vikings late, said afterward he closed his eyes and “said a Hail Mary,” and launched a bomb to future fellow Pro Football Hall of Famer Drew Pearson, who caught the ball in double coverage to score and give the Cowboys the win. And so was born the football Hail Mary, when a quarterback chunks a long desperation pass to a receiver, usually clumped with a lot of other shoulder-padded humanity and usually into the end zone, as Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers did Monday Night in New York in the Jets loss to Buffalo. A pair of sidenotes: a Hail Mary is not always complete — such is life — and a Hail Mary sounds the same but is different in meaning than what you might say when Mary is late or spills hot coffee on your lap.
“Encroachment” is believed to be when a defensive player enters the “neutral zone” before the snap — although in reality, no one truly knows what encroachment is, and if they say they do, even if they are a football official, they are lying.
“Officials” are called referees (or convicts or zebras because of the striped shirts they wear); these are the people who call holding on your team pretty much whenever the mood strikes. Fans with money on the game should be able to call encroachment against the zebras.
“Pooch kick” is what happens when the kicker, during a kickoff, doesn’t kick it very far on purpose; this lessens the odds of the receiving team having a good return. If that same kicker is a dog owner and misses a field goal, it increases the odds that he’ll perform a pooch kick when he gets home, and if that happens, we hope he misses every field goal he tries for the rest of his pitiful football life.
“Hard count” is what the quarterback does when he is calling for the ball to be snapped and changes the rhythm of his call to try and draw the defense offsides. It’s also what happens when a person from South Carolina like me is asked to add.
“Victory formation” is when the offense, with a lead and time expiring, bunches together at the line of scrimmage, as if they are gossiping, so the quarterback can take a knee and run clock and end the game. It is a favorite formation, and we hope your team gets to run it every time you play.
Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu