Anyone who knows my marginal academic ability is aware that there are many things my simple mind does not understand. But during Super Bowl week, the floodgates seem to open.

To wit –

I don’t understand why anybody who cares about football would go to a Super Bowl party. If you arrive at someone’s house and they can’t name both of the starting quarterbacks, get out of there as fast as you can. The guacamole dip can be someone’s problem.

I don’t understand why people don’t realize that the famous Jackie Smith dropped pass in the end zone wasn’t at the end of the Dallas-Pittsburgh Super Bowl. It wasn’t even in the fourth quarter. The former Northwestern State tight end has taken way too much grief over a play that happened in the third quarter.

I don’t understand why the Doug Williams/how-long-have-you-been-a-black-quarterback story keeps getting brought up. Mainly because it isn’t true. That’s not at all what was said by the reporter (now deceased) who once worked in North Louisiana, but you wouldn’t know it from all of the stories that keep getting brought up about how inane the questions can get during Super Bowl week.

I don’t understand why I can recite the sites of almost every Super Bowl, but I do. It’s a sickness, I realize. But what I really don’t understand is why I can remember the first 50 like they were yesterday, but the last seven are a little iffy.

I don’t understand why such a big deal is made about the halftime show. Somebody please get Up With People (1980, played at the Rose Bowl … told you!) on the horn and really shake things up.

I don’t understand the movement to make the day after the Super Bowl some kind of national holiday. Are you kidding me? Just because you had too many lemon pepper Buffalo wings or spinach dip, you think that is a valid reason to sleep in on a Monday?

I don’t understand the consternation over the Taylor Swift cutaway shots during the game. Until about a year ago, I wouldn’t have known Taylor Swift if she hit me in the face with a Grammy. And I still can’t name a single song of hers, but I do get that the young lady is more than a little bit popular. Chill out people; it’s three seconds before we cut back to Tony Romo. We should be thankful for the break.

I don’t understand why we need a seven-hour pregame show on CBS. You mean six hours wasn’t enough? That’s enough time to do a four-minute feature on every player dressed out for the game, including the long snappers.

I don’t understand – I truly don’t – why and when the Super Bowl became such a big deal. Somewhere along the line, probably in the mid-1990s, it stopped being just a football game. Suddenly, we starting having Michael Jackson at halftime and over-the-top production values both at the game and on the broadcast. I find it to be an interesting event, and certainly worth a watch, but far too grandiose for its own good. It doesn’t resemble itself anymore.

I don’t understand how I could take San Francisco in this game, assuming Kansas City quarterback Patrick Mahomes doesn’t break his leg falling off the bus at the stadium. And even then, the Chiefs might still be the choice. The 49ers have a lot, but you know what they don’t have? The guy wearing the red No. 15 jersey with the helmet that doesn’t seem to fit correctly on his head.

That I do understand. 

Contact JJ at johnjamesmarshall@yahoo.com