What will you watch tonight? That scintillating Tampa Bay-Philadelphia NFL playoff game, the Iowa caucus* coverage, The Weather Channel, WWE’s Raw, America’s Got Talent, the Emmy Awards, or the triple serving of NCIS on CBS?
(*For bonus points: what is the plural of caucus? Caucusi? Caucuses? Or just “caucus?” Correct answer is probably “d” for “I don’t care,” but apparently it’s “b.” No school today, but at least I learned something.)
Of course, we will ALL be watching The Weather Channel or one of the local stations’ news channel radar coverage, if you have access to it. The fascination over “wintry precip” will fade into obsession with “wind chill” which will determine how much of that “wintry precip” will have any true impact on what we do Tuesday.
There is one saving grace to tonight’s Bucs-Eagles muckfest: there is a ManningCast. Peyton and Eli always lighten up a really sucky game with brotherly sparring combined with often zany guests and some occasional football insight. More about the Mannings momentarily. Mmm, mmm.
But I will sneak a peek at the Iowa caucus coverage. Not just because after a few weeks of her constant texting, I think Nikki Haley wants to be friends. If I will send her at least $5, she’ll send me a T-shirt. Sounds like a deal. Can I get five for $25? My Trump-leaning pals will love them.
It IS 2024, when we will elect a president, whether or not the winner is presidential.
Some of us already have our decisions made. Not that our decisions in the 318 AC, combined with those in the 225, 337, 985 and 504, are going to be influential or are up in the air. Most of the kids taking civics classes in our local schools understand The Donald is going to carry Louisiana and barring adverse legal outcomes, snag our eight electoral votes that will apparently get counted about this time next year.
But let’s be honest: a lot of us don’t feel great about the likely nominees. There’s no problem coming up with a list of things that trouble us about that apparently inevitable contest.
As usual, the sports world provides a happy diversion. Sometimes, even, we find a solution.
The antidote to what ails America became available last Wednesday. It’s no vaccine – speaking of things that divide us.
Suddenly, Nick Saban has no plans or obligations.
You probably noticed he retired from coaching football last Wednesday, delighting everybody who is not a fan of the Alabama Crimson Tide.
They’re giving him an office in Bryant-Denny Stadium. They’re surely going to put his name on the field this fall at Bryant-Denny Stadium.
I propose putting his name on a presidential ballot, and sending him to the nation’s most prominent office.
What part of the White House gig do you think the Sabanator couldn’t handle?
Until last night, I was gonna pitch a Saban-Belichick ticket, but when Jerry Jones couldn’t find the words to describe his reaction to the pasting Green Bay gave Dallas, we all knew he will find the phone number for the best NFL coach of the century and have him in a Cowboys’ hoodie for a press conference before Super Bowl week.
I don’t think Pete Carroll has the chops to be VP – he’s not hard-edged enough. But I think Pete would make a great United Nations ambassador. Sneaky devil, he is.
I’m all for a like-minded VP candidate, also from the sports world. She joined the chorus of coaches singing Saban’s praises – and she’s one of the few who seems every bit as accomplished, every bit as tough, and every bit as smart.
It would be a huge loss for LSU, but Kim Mulkey fits.
Now we get back to Peyton and Eli. This Saban administration needs some younger faces. They were both Academic All-Americans in college and could handle any Cabinet post. Let them arm-wrestle for Chief of Staff and the loser is Secretary of State.
Secretary of Defense: retired Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski. The man graduated from West-By God-Point, was captain of the basketball team there for Bob Knight, and was an officer in the U.S. Army for five years.
Let’s stay on a roll and add Shaq, Warrick Dunn, and Alana Beard. Shaq runs the FBI, Warrick takes over Housing and Urban Development, and Alana would steer the Health and Human Services department.
Secretary of the Interior? Lots of possibilities right around us, guys who love the outdoors: Bert Jones, Karl Malone, David Toms to start.
But this winning plan all hinges on one person: Mrs. Terry. You bet her husband is going to defer to her after she’s played a supporting role for 50 years.
She would make a heck of a First Lady, wouldn’t she?
Contact Doug at sbjdoug@gmail.com