When I was a bench-warming fifth-string quarterback at Jesuit High School (now Loyola) in the 1970s, hated rival Minden hung a homemade banner along the bleachers that read “We Don’t Eat Spaghetti” in reference to the significant Italian influence of my school’s heritage for many years.

Of course, it did not go unnoticed.

So after the Flyers had pasted the Minden to the tune of 27-0 and then won the district title the next week, the Jesuit faithful unveiled their own sign: “Spaghetti: Breakfast of Champions.”

It might not pass for one of the great literary works of all time, but it was a hell of a comeback. (Conveniently, the two teams were in different districts for the next 10 years after that, so there was no comeback to the comeback.)

Decades later, sign-making has certainly lost its edge. Creativity doesn’t live here anymore.

About all you see these days in the way of inflammatory signs are the same old alliterative phrase. “Ground the Gators” or “Jinx the Jackets” or “Beat Benton.”

Ouch.

Later on in my career (when four other quarterbacks had moved on), we were in a playoff game in Alexandria. It was against Bolton.

Some of the 17-year-old creative geniuses that I called classmates came up with a sign that is probably too risqué for this family publication.

“Bolton” was broken up into two words. And in keeping with the construction theme they had working, the term of another piece of small hardware was inserted before the name of the opposing school.

You could look at the resulting sign as a simple do-it-yourself command for building something.

Or not.

Being a Catholic school and all, the Jesuit priests didn’t quite see it that way. The sign didn’t make it through the first quarter.

Back in those days, schools were taunting before anybody knew what taunting was. You think standing over a sacked quarterback is taunting? That lasts two seconds. Try hanging an inflammatory banner across the field for an entire game and watch that reaction.

A little literary license never hurt anybody, right? If anything, creators should get bonus points in English class for their prose. And the more subtle, the better.

No need to call anybody out by name. No need to point out anybody’s physical characteristics. But c’mon, y’all … can’t we at least try?

Signs aren’t the only thing you haven’t seen at local high school games lately. Here’s another thing that has disappeared and has me absolutely confounded – first down measurements.

I understand there is a concerted effort by various referee associations to move the game along. If you’ll notice, a first down spot after a kickoff or punt always starts exactly on a hash mark in order to make it easier to judge whether it’s a first down or not without calling for the chains. If the original spot was the 34-yard line and the ball reaches the 44, that’s pretty easy. I’m good with that.

But it should not be re-spotted after that. (In other words, if it’s at the 43 and ½, moving it a half yard up or a half yard back.) I’m sorry, but that’s not right.

I saw a playoff game last year with a skipped measurement that literally cost a team the game. So anxious were the officials to keep the game flow going that they refused to call for the chains in the final minutes of the fourth quarter on a close fourth down play. The drive continued and the offensive team kicked a game-winning field goal. (After later review by the state association, it was agreed that the spotting was incorrect.)

“So what am I supposed to tell my team?” said the coach of the losing team. “We don’t get to keep playing because they didn’t want to call for the chains. Oh well.”

Maybe making a banner might help. 

Contact JJ at johnjamesmarshall@yahoo.com