(EDITOR’S NOTE: It was a week ago when the author wrote a column about one of the great semi-previously unnoticed landmarks in Shreveport: The WEST/EAST signs at the gates to Lee Hedges Stadium. They had proudly served with dignity since 1967, but less than 72 hours after the column was published, they were gone. Outta there. Vamoose. Conspiracy theorists, perhaps this might give you something to work with …)
THE SCENE: The offices of the place where people handle such things
THE TIME: 6:56 a.m. Friday, Sept. 16
“Morning, Boss! What’s up for us today? Usual stuff? Rake this, mow that?”
“Get in here, Joe. Immediately if not sooner.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“Maybe not you, but we’ve got a situation. Did you read this article in the Shreveport-Bossier Journal that JJ Marshall wrote that came out literally one minute ago?”
“That tool?”
“Nevertheless. We’ve got to do something and fast! He wrote about how those WEST and EAST signs at Lee Hedges Stadium that we thought nobody ever noticed.”
“The ones we were supposed to take down in 1985? Doesn’t he have anything better to write about?”
“Stay with me, Joe. How are we going to make them go away without people noticing? Up until now, nobody did. Now, everybody will and they’ll think that we’ve been doing nothing but making sure the gates are open on gameday. And by the way, who wrote the requisition for those ugly new entrances?”
“You did, Boss.”
“Oh, yeah. Anyway, how about this: It’s Captain Shreve-Byrd week. Let’s take the WEST/EAST signs and make it look like it was a school prank.”
“But no one is actually getting pranked, except for the people who don’t know West from North or East from South. Which, I might add, is about three-fourths of the teenaged population around here.”
“Yeah, that’s no good. How about if we just take them down and say it’s just a coincidence?”
“Three of the first five U.S. presidents dying on July 4th is a coincidence. NOBODY is going to believe that we just so happened to have a work order for removal 72 hours after an article is published.”
“How about weather? Check the forecast and see if there’s some kind of tornadic activity in the area.”
“Boss, have you looked outside lately? Unless the steel poles melt and collapse from the heat, they ain’t coming down due to weather.”
“Can we say it’s a safety issue? Tell ’em we were concerned that giant plastic triangular signs are falling all over the country and in order to protect our citizens, we followed protocol and procedures set forth by the CDC and were obligated to take them down.”
“Really? Did you find that quote in your drawer from two years ago?”
“Joe, is there any way you could get a crew and go out there at night under the cover of darkness and get them taken down.”
“Only if I could get them to stop laughing first at the ridiculous idea. Plus, there might be a soccer game going on. There’s ALWAYS a soccer game going on out there.”
“A donation! We could donate them to somebody and make us look philanthropic!”
“And exactly who would be wanting this kind of donation. Go ahead … I’ll wait.”
“We’re screwed, aren’t we? We were going to let them rot away and then just sweep up the mess. That’s been the plan for 55 years! Because of that SBJ story, we’ve got a nightmare on our hands. Let’s make sure it’s almost impossible for them to get in the stadium to cover games.”
“We are already doing that.”
“Oh. Good work on that, Joe. Tell you what – just go out and take the signs down and we will say we will put out a press release that says, ‘We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused our patrons.’ Have that on my desk by lunch.”
“Anything else?”
“Yeah, when you get back, bring me what’s left of those signs. I’ve got a garage sale this weekend.”
Contact JJ at johnjamesmarshall@yahoo.com