By RON “MAD DOG” HIGGINS, Journal Sports
BATON ROUGE — I turned on my laptop Monday morning to find a suspicious file.
It read, “Skippywear.doc.”
I opened it to find a proposed line of merchandise, complete with sketches and descriptions promoting Skippy the Wonder Bichon.
There were Skippy sleep shirts with a picture of him snoozing that read “I love to nap on any day that ends in `y.’
There was a Skippy picture T-shirt of him picking games. The pic tagline read, “The Whizzzzz-zard of Odds.”
There was a Skippy dog walking vest that read “Release the Hound.”
There was a Skippy cap with a smirking logo of him with the inscription, “When in doubt, lift a leg!”
There was a talking Skippy fire hydrant for dogs training to relieve themselves. If a dog aimed correctly and hit the hydrant, a sensor played Skippy’s voice with self-affirmations like “You’re a whiz kid” or “You didn’t cry wee wee wee all the way home.”
“SKIPPY, where are you?” I yelled. “Get your little bichon butt in my office right now. WHAT IS THIS?”
“That’s my new line of merch called `Live Like Skippy,’” Skipper said sauntering to my doorway. “My creative team found my lifestyle – sleeping, eating, walking, whizzing, pooping, having my belly scratched and giving my older brother Buddy hell for being a suck-up lovable lap dog – is appealing to the masses.”
“Who arranged it?” I said “And who’s financing it?”
“My agent is your friend Doug E. Fresh in Natchitoches,” the Skipster said. “He’s a veteran public relations legend and one my biggest fans. He also arranged with the Journal bookkeeper to deposit your paychecks into my account. So, you are paying for this.”
“Well, your brand may be hot, but your picks went cold last week,” I said. “You were 4-6 and now 18-12 on the year. I was 9-1 and I’m now 24-6.”
“I don’t care,” the Skipperoo said. “I’m making bank off you.”
On to Week 4:
No. 16 LSU (2-1, 1-0 SEC) vs. UCLA (1-1, 0-1 Big Ten), Tiger Stadium, Baton Rouge, Saturday, 2:40 p.m. (ESPN)
Betting line: LSU favored by 23½
The skinny: Time is running out for the Tigers to get their act together before SEC play resumes at home on Oct. 12 vs. No. 5 Ole Miss. LSU needs a resounding win this weekend.
Mad Dog’s pick: Ti-gahs Afternoon Delight 48, California Dreamin’ 17
Skippy’s pick: LSU
No. 6 Tennessee (3-0, 0-0 SEC) at No. 15 Oklahoma (3-0, 0-0 SEC), Memorial Stadium, Norman, Saturday, 6:30 p.m. (ABC)
Betting line: Tennessee favored by 7
The skinny: The Vols have a chance to make a national statement in OU’s first-ever SEC league battle. The Sooners have played average so far. Have they been sandbagging?
Mad Dog’s pick: Too Legit to Quit Vols 34, Later Sooners 30
Skippy’s pick: Tennessee
Arkansas (2-1, 0-0 SEC) at Auburn 2-1, 0-0 SEC), Jordan-Hare Stadium, Auburn, Saturday, 2:30 p.m. ESPN
Betting line: Auburn favored by 4
The skinny: For the last 12 football seasons spanning three coaches, Arkansas has won more than one SEC road just once. Auburn has lost to the only legit competition (Cal) on its exceedingly weak conference schedule. Against my better judgment. . .
Mad Dog’s pick: Mr. Freeze’s Plainsmen 37, Six-Pack Sam’s Hogs 30
Skippy’s pick: Arkansas
Vanderbilt (2-1, 0-0 SEC) at No. 6 Missouri (3-0, 0-0 SEC), Memorial Stadium, Columbia, Saturday, 3:15 p.m. (SEC Network)
Betting line: Missouri by 21
The skinny: It’s the annual battle of two of America’s best journalism schools. Last week, then-unbeaten Vanderbilt’s (something rarely said after week two) effort was nothing to write home about. It had improved so much it actually took an opponent lightly (Georgia State) and got beat.
Mad Dog’s pick: Mizzou J-School 51 (its number of Pulitzer Prize winners), Vanderbilt J-School Journalism 6 (allegedly its number of Pulitzer winners)
Skippy’s pick: Vanderbilt
Florida (1-2, 0-1 SEC) at Mississippi State (1-2, 0-0 SEC), Davis-Wade Stadium, Starkville, Saturday, 11 a.m. (ESPN)
Betting line: Florida favored by 6
The skinny: Florida third-year head coach Billy Napier is supposedly a dead man walking, no matter this weekend’s outcome. Let’s send him packing with a win.
Mad Dog’s pick: Billy Napier’s $26 Million Buyout 31, Cowbell Clangers 21
Skippy’s pick: Mississippi State
In other games:
No. 11 USC (2-0, 0-0 Big Ten) at No. 17 Michigan (2-1, 0-0 Big Ten), Michigan Stadium, Ann Arbor, Saturday, 2:30 p.m. (CBS)
Betting line: Michigan favored by 5½
Mad Dog’s pick: City of Angels Trojan Hosses 35, Team Teen Wolf 28
Skippy’s pick: Michigan
North Carolina State (2-1, 0-0 ACC) at No. 22 Clemson (1-1, 0-0 ACC), Memorial Stadium, Clemson, Saturday, 11 a.m. (ABC)
Betting line: Clemson by 8½
Mad Dog’s pick: Climpson Tigs 34, Raleigh Wolfies 24
Skippy’s pick: Clemson
No. 12 Utah (3-0, 0-0 Big 12) at No. 13 Oklahoma State (3-0, 0-0 Big 12), T. Boone Pickens Stadium, Stillwater, Saturday, 3 p.m. (FOX)
Betting line: Utah favored by 1½
Mad Dog’s pick: Utah Salt Flats 35, Magic Mikes of Stillwater 31
Skippy’s pick: Oklahoma State
Illinois (3-0, 0-0 Big Ten) at No. 23 Nebraska (3-0, 0-0 Big Ten) Memorial Stadium, Lincoln, Friday, 7 p.m. (FOX)
Betting line: Nebraska by 8½
Mad Dog’s pick: Corn-Fed and Bred Huskers 30, Illi-noise 21
Skippy’s pick: Illinois
Tulane (1-2, 0-0 AAC) at UL Lafayette (2-0, 0-0 Sun Belt West), Cajun Field, Lafayette, Saturday, 11 a.m. (ESPNU)
Betting line: Tulane by 3½
Mad Dog’s pick: Willie Fritz’s Leftovers 42, Looziana 21
Skippy’s pick: ULL
Contact “Mad Dog” and Skippy at ronhigginsmedia@gmail.com